WOW. Never cease to be amazed by this newsletter. Came for the food, stayed for the amazing perspective on everything. (But still the food too of course.)
At this juncture in my life, I am the Mom, since my mother died in 1999 - more on that later. I'm very grateful for the communication that I have with my daughter and I know in large part it was aided by the fact that both of us have had therapy. Communication/facilitation is part of my profession so I know the tenets of the "game" and how to listen. We went through the normal teenage daughter drama years, but when she emerged from that we have had a relationship that meets every expectation I could have. There are lots of "sorrys", plenty of praise and our ability to laugh together is the greatest joy. She comes to me with her challenges when she wants my motherly comfort, wisdom, or just plain someone who will listen.
About my mother - after a lifetime of anger, shame, disappointment and raging love, I had an epiphany during a workshop I was doing and I called and asked for forgiveness for not letting her love me. In my adult life, I made the decision that she didn't deserve to have my love, and I really wasn't that concerned about hers. I know, it sounds horrible. The relief that came in that conversation from her, just to have me call her, was enormous. For the next 6 weeks we had a wonderfully rich and loving coming together. Without going into all the last details, she died suddenly in her sleep. But the night before my daughter who was 4 at the time and I both talked to her on the phone and we ended as we had be ending our calls "I love you". One of the things I'm most grateful in my life is for that call that I made setting her free from years of guilt, and my heart was clear because I did apologize for the meanness of my decision to keep myself from her - she had mental illness and drug addiction problems. Those six weeks - so much joy and NOTHING tense or bad between us. Learning to make amends - even when you're really NOT the one who did wrong, can be an amazing game changer in life. In a relationship like the complicated Mother Daughter dynamic, it is the definition of setting your heart free.
I love seeing the adventures of you and Mami. I'm glad that the two of you get to grow and enjoy your bond in adulthood. Close adult Mother/Daughter relationships are magical! Having the right tools to make it so are essential!
You rock. I won't ever get to this place with my parents, but your mindset is one I'll remind myself to maintain with the folks in my life who are open to it. Thanks, as always, for your openness on these hard subjects.
WOW. Never cease to be amazed by this newsletter. Came for the food, stayed for the amazing perspective on everything. (But still the food too of course.)
Oooofff. The "you're too loud" "calm down" "don't talk like that" is still where I get stuck with my mom. This gives me hope. 🖤
At this juncture in my life, I am the Mom, since my mother died in 1999 - more on that later. I'm very grateful for the communication that I have with my daughter and I know in large part it was aided by the fact that both of us have had therapy. Communication/facilitation is part of my profession so I know the tenets of the "game" and how to listen. We went through the normal teenage daughter drama years, but when she emerged from that we have had a relationship that meets every expectation I could have. There are lots of "sorrys", plenty of praise and our ability to laugh together is the greatest joy. She comes to me with her challenges when she wants my motherly comfort, wisdom, or just plain someone who will listen.
About my mother - after a lifetime of anger, shame, disappointment and raging love, I had an epiphany during a workshop I was doing and I called and asked for forgiveness for not letting her love me. In my adult life, I made the decision that she didn't deserve to have my love, and I really wasn't that concerned about hers. I know, it sounds horrible. The relief that came in that conversation from her, just to have me call her, was enormous. For the next 6 weeks we had a wonderfully rich and loving coming together. Without going into all the last details, she died suddenly in her sleep. But the night before my daughter who was 4 at the time and I both talked to her on the phone and we ended as we had be ending our calls "I love you". One of the things I'm most grateful in my life is for that call that I made setting her free from years of guilt, and my heart was clear because I did apologize for the meanness of my decision to keep myself from her - she had mental illness and drug addiction problems. Those six weeks - so much joy and NOTHING tense or bad between us. Learning to make amends - even when you're really NOT the one who did wrong, can be an amazing game changer in life. In a relationship like the complicated Mother Daughter dynamic, it is the definition of setting your heart free.
I love seeing the adventures of you and Mami. I'm glad that the two of you get to grow and enjoy your bond in adulthood. Close adult Mother/Daughter relationships are magical! Having the right tools to make it so are essential!
You rock. I won't ever get to this place with my parents, but your mindset is one I'll remind myself to maintain with the folks in my life who are open to it. Thanks, as always, for your openness on these hard subjects.
You GO Girl, keep working through it all. There are peeps who love and pray for you, count me in on this. Abrazos y amor! 🤎🤎🤗🤗